IS GRATITUDE GOING OUT OF STYLE?

By Shaleeka Jayalath  

There is a certain question that only a modern generation could ask, though few would dare say it aloud: why bother expressing gratitude? The very word feels a little quaint now, a little old-world, as if it belongs to a slower, “ancient” era. Yet its disappearance is not harmless. 

Gratitude has reshaped the way we relate to one another, and nowhere is this more visible than in the world of education. I have watched year-in, year-out gratitude blossom and contract with the urgency of exam pressure – a flood of appreciative words in the run up to O-levels and A’levels, followed by an almost surgical amputation of acknowledgment once the student feels secure again. With exams looming like the knife of the guillotine above one’s head, students come seeking help with an earnestness that feels touching. “Ma’am, can you just explain this one more time?” “Could you check this answer quickly?” “Please, I really need to understand this before the paper.” Their gratitude in these moments feels genuine. But once the panic lifts, the courtesy evaporates. For many students, even offering a simple thank you before walking into the exam hall feels awkward, unnecessary, even a little embarrassing. When parents suggest it, they shrug it off (the parents who have not forgotten their own manners, and who have the time to be concerned about their children’s upbringing, that is!). Students who were not embarrassed to ask for help, inconceivably find the act of thanking and acknowledging the person who helped them, too intimate and too exposing. When the results arrive, the silence continues. Such “gratitude” that only survives until one’s needs are met is hardly gratitude at all; rather, it is a transaction. And while teachers are not in their chosen vocation for applause, they are not immune to hurt.

This is the quiet problem of our time: a generation that fears the human touch more than it fears failure. Gratitude requires a degree of emotional presence, a recognition that someone invested time, energy, thought into your wellbeing. It is easier to pretend that we are self-made, untouched by dependence. But one day, as life inevitably circles back, you may need help again from the very person whose effort you once rendered invisible. And goodwill, once depleted, is not easily replenished.

Curiously, when young people do attempt to express gratitude, they often assume it must be dramatic. Something curated, aesthetic, worthy of a social-media story.

Yet sincerity rarely looks staged. A simple handwritten card, a slightly awkward message, a clumsy but honest note - these are the gestures that stay with a person. They signal thoughtfulness, not performance. Gratitude, at its most meaningful, is almost always small.

But here lies the deeper, quieter truth: gratitude does not merely improve relationships; it alters how we experience the world. It has a way of widening the lens. When you train yourself to notice the things you are grateful for, even trivial things, like your morning coffee or a patch of sunlight, you begin to recognise abundance where previously you saw nothing special. It is not mystical. It is psychological. The act of naming what is good sharpens your awareness of it. And once you are tuned to seeing goodness, you tend to find more of it. Gratitude becomes a habit that changes the texture of your days.

This shift begins internally. Most of us rush past our own achievements, barely acknowledging them before running towards the next demand. But pausing to appreciate what you have done, however small and however imperfect, creates steadiness. Likewise, listing the things you value in your life can recalibrate even the bleakest day. Gratitude does not deny life’s difficulties; it simply ensures they are not the only things you see.

And when directed outward, gratitude carries a different kind of power. A simple thank you can build trust, soften tension, and forge connection in ways criticism never will. It signals humility. It signals awareness. It signals that you recognise another person’s humanity, not just their usefulness. It requires so little and yet accomplishes so much.

Ultimately, gratitude is not a social nicety or a moral performance. It is a way of being in the world that acknowledges interdependence rather than pretending it does not exist. Without it, we end up living as consumers of other people’s labour and generosity, taking what we need without ever stopping to notice the hands that held us steady. With it, we cultivate relationships that have room for warmth, for forgiveness, for continuation.

So, is gratitude going out of style? Perhaps. But if it is, then it is not the word that has gone out of fashion; rather, it is the willingness to pause long enough to feel something. And in that pause lies everything: the memory of who helped you, the awareness of what sustains you, and the quiet abundance that grows each time you choose to notice it.