THE MEN WE WARN GIRLS ABOUT, AND THE ONES WE TEACH THEM TO IGNORE

BY SHALEEKA JAYALATH

There is a dangerous lie we continue to tell young women about sexual harassment. We tell them predators look monstrous. We tell them danger announces itself loudly. We tell them evil walks into a room wearing darkness on its sleeve. Worse still, we do not tell them anything at all, preferring to keep our children locked up in proverbial towers!

It does not.

Sometimes it walks into the office smiling. Sometimes it calls you “darling” or “naughty”. Sometimes it is educated, respected, successful and charming. Sometimes it is the boss.

Sometimes it is the lecturer everyone likes. Sometimes it is the “friendly uncle” figure who insists he was “only joking.” And sometimes, by the time the girl realises something is wrong, she has already frozen.

That freeze response is something today’s generation must understand better. Too many young women have been raised protected from discomfort to such an extent that when discomfort finally arrives, they do not know what to call it. They sense something is wrong, but they doubt themselves. They feel violated but wonder if they are overreacting. They become uncomfortable but worry about appearing rude. And predators thrive in precisely that confusion.

Recently, disturbing accounts emerged from a private workplace involving a senior male figure and several young women. One incident reportedly involved a 21-year-old intern who alleged that unwanted touching had occurred under the guise of casual interaction, followed by what she described as a predatory smile. Another involved a teenage model whose mother had allegedly been deliberately separated from her before inappropriate conduct followed. There were reports of unnecessary physical contact while fitting equipment, comments about bodies and weight, pet names used in professional settings, and repeated attempts to dismiss concerns as “friendly behaviour.”

But perhaps the most frightening part was not the alleged misconduct itself. It was the normalisation.

• “The girls should know how he is.”
• “He’s just caring.”
• “He’s friendly.”
• “He didn’t mean it like that.”

This is how workplace predators survive. Not because nobody notices. But because everybody notices and decides to explain it away.

And this is where society has failed young women.

We have taught girls how to get A grades, but not how to identify manipulation. We have taught them mathematics, science and coding, but not how to recognise grooming behaviour disguised as mentorship. We have taught them to obey authority figures unquestioningly, then acted surprised when they struggle to challenge inappropriate conduct from older men in positions of power.

Sexual harassment does not always begin with assault. It often begins with testing boundaries. A hand lingering too long. A comment about appearance. A text message that feels slightly too personal. A nickname that makes someone uncomfortable. A request to be alone. A “harmless” joke. An unnecessary touch while adjusting a microphone or fixing clothing. Each act is designed to test one thing: how much can I get away with?

Predatory people rarely begin with the extreme. They escalate gradually. And girls must learn to recognise those social cues early. Teaching girls situational awareness is not oppression. It is survival. We teach children to look both ways before crossing the road not because cars are justified in hitting them, but because danger exists regardless of fairness. The same principle applies here.

Young women must stop dismissing their instincts simply because society taught them to be

“nice.” If someone’s behaviour makes you uncomfortable, there is usually a reason. If a man repeatedly comments on your body in professional settings, that is a red flag. If he insists on physical familiarity, you did not invite, that is a red flag. If he isolates younger women from others, that is a red flag. If he behaves differently around women than men, that is a red flag. If every complaint about him somehow gets turned back onto the girls themselves, that is a massive red flag.

And parents need to prepare daughters for reality instead of raising them in emotional bubble wrap! There is a difference between protecting a child and infantilising them. Some young women enter workplaces completely unequipped to handle uncomfortable situations because they have been sheltered from every difficult interaction growing up. Then, when confronted with predatory behaviour, they either freeze in horror or want to retreat permanently from the outside world altogether. That is not empowerment. Rather, it is a lack of preparedness.

Girls must be taught confidence, assertiveness and discernment. They must know that saying “don’t touch me” is not disrespectful, and reporting misconduct is a far cry from “creating drama.” Walking away from toxic workplaces is not weakness. Escalating complaints when management ignores them is not disloyalty. Too many women remain silent because they fear being labelled difficult. But silence protects predators far more than reputations protect victims.

And companies need to stop treating sexual harassment complaints as inconvenient public relations problems. Too often organisations only act once scandals become impossible to bury. Until then, complaints get minimised, reinterpreted or laughed off internally. Women are told to “avoid him,” “be careful around him,” or “not take things personally.” For lack of a better word, that is insane! If multiple women must alter their behaviour around one man, then the problem is not the women. Workplaces have a duty of care. Not just legally, but morally. Young interns and junior staff enter organisations trusting that adults in leadership positions will behave responsibly. When that trust is violated, the damage extends beyond one incident. It shapes how women experience professional life altogether. Some leave industries entirely.

Some lose confidence permanently. Some begin doubting their own judgement.

And perhaps the greatest tragedy is how common these stories have become.

Almost every woman has one.

The inappropriate lecturer. The “handsy” boss. The “friendly” manager. The man who stood too close. The superior who made comments disguised as compliments. The senior executive everyone warned girls about quietly, instead of confronting openly.

Enough.

We cannot keep raising girls to be polite while raising boys to believe persistence is charming. We cannot continue teaching young women to tolerate discomfort for the sake of professionalism. And we absolutely cannot keep excusing predatory behaviour simply because the perpetrator is successful, respected or socially connected.

Girls deserve better than warnings whispered in corridors after damage has already been done. They deserve workplaces where respect is normal, not exceptional.

But until society catches up, young women must understand one brutal truth: predators rely on hesitation. The moment girls learn to trust their instincts, speak loudly, document everything and refuse to be intimidated by status or power, predators begin losing the advantage they have enjoyed for far too long. 

In short, it is time for this generation to stand up and speak out!