What People Don’t Realise About Weight Loss.
By: Devika Brendon
Now there are weight loss drugs available, in various forms, and a person can lose 30 kilos of body weight or more in only a few months. When we consider that the celebrities we see on red carpets or catwalks are about 50 kilos in weight, we can understand the significance of this change. This ‘supermodel’ body is only inhabited or owned or maintained by a small percentage of the female population.
If we focus only on appearance and status and admiration (your friends will be amazed at the difference in you!), it’s a straightforward success story. But if we are above 70 kilograms or 80 kilograms in weight, or 90, or 100, and we are medically described as morbidly obese, and we find it difficult to fit into our clothes, or even move around easily, let alone run or even walk, we need to understand that we are dealing with psychology as well as biology.
A rapid weight loss does not give us much time to address the psychological reasons behind the weight gain in the first place, which at these levels has taken time, and involved habits and choices which have been made by us over many months and years. Weight is a shield, and a protection. Many women feel exposed to the gaze and intrusive observations and assessments of others, and carrying extra weight deflects this. We live in a society which crudely rates people out of 10, and excess weight immediately drops our visual desirability. To some people, this feels like peace.
Weight blurs our features and makes us less identifiable and distinctive. In the era of digital photography, if a person loses substantial weight between having their passport photographs taken, the camera does not recognise them as the same person. Weight protects us to some extent from being manhandled and physically lifted and hurled against walls by abusive partners. No one who is over 80 kilograms in weight can easily be thrown around like a rag doll. To some people, being a woman of substance feels like safety.
Excessive weight is called ‘morbid’ because it puts layers of fat around our internal organs, making it more difficult for our digestive systems and our hearts to work properly. This has long term negative effects that can be difficult to reverse. It also affects our hormonal regulation, so we do not feel so sexually motivated. Our libido level is diminished. This in many ways simplifies our lives. It relieves us of those hot whips of adrenaline that accompany attraction.
What we need to understand is that when we lose a large amount of weight and get close to the essential bone structures of our bodies, we inevitably attract more people’s interest, and are thus unconsciously signalling our desirability and availability to others. Our weight acted as a physical parenthesis around us, signalling our unavailability. But it also put us at a disadvantage, in terms of putting off people who might otherwise have been attracted to us. It is a shield, a cloak, and a filter.
We had got used to a more muted life, and the physical boundaries and defences we had built should dissolve more slowly, in order for our sense of self and sovereignty to adjust to the changed conditions. The positive attention directed at someone who has lost weight is overwhelming. You are seen, admired, recognised, approved of, desired, sought after. It can be like a powerful incoming force like a king tide which makes it difficult to keep your bearings.
Your relationships completely change. You have far more choice and opportunity. You can move more freely through the world, moving through not only dress sizes but through style and fashion eras, and into spheres in which you had not felt comfortable, before. You may have thought only clunky jewellery suited you. You could be wrong: delicate jewellery can now be seen to advantage on your more streamlined face and body. Your senses get sharpened, and you respond more intensely to sensory experiences of all kinds. You are waking up after being half asleep for years. You feel fully alive.
But without sustained nutritional support and strength building during the entire process, your complexion will not brighten and soften, and your hair will not thicken and become shinier. The fact is, if you have carried extra weight for a while, your body has adjusted to your previous weight and mode, and it naturally takes time for your entire system to recalibrate itself. You must positively support yourself through good diet and exercise routines. You should keep aware of what makes you uncomfortable, and when you feel unsafe.
You ‘suddenly’ become visible, and gorgeous, and people say you look like a model or ask if you are in an advertisement. It can go to your head. As a young girl, being told you are pretty is a wonderful thing. But as a woman, depending on your life experiences, and how much your identity is determined by the way people look at you and the admiration or respect they accord you, your presentation is something that can be seen by you as something you have greater control over. If you want to be respected for your character, and your brains, and your articulacy, don’t overshadow these aspects or displace them. Present yourself always fully, as a whole person. You can modify how you want to appear, according to the event you are attending. You do not have to display your breasts or your legs or your hips and buttocks or draw attention to your ‘attributes’ and ‘endowments’, if you do not want to elicit the attention of every drooling member of the citizenry. You are not just a thirst trap or a cynosure.
You can live your life, more freely and naturally. But do so with awareness of the way human beings of all genders and cultures respond to each other’s changing energy. By shifting shape, and consciously choosing to do so, you are radically upgrading your life experience. You are opening doors to worlds that you may or may not like or feel safe in. You become an object of beauty, and people’s gaze lingers on you. You are now in the Pretty Privilege enclave, roped off and insulated from the ‘hot struggles of the poor’, to quote F. Scott Fitzgerald. Only in this world, we are talking about poverty defined as being genetically unblessed. The air is rarefied, the language is aerated (everyone talks of ‘elevating’, and ‘curating’ and ‘augmenting’ and ‘positioning’ and ‘aligning values’) and there is a lot of conspicuous consumption - of everything but food.
Kate Moss highlighted this by saying that ‘nothing tastes as good as skinny feels.’ Do not simplistically substitute drugs or cigarettes or other stimulants or sedatives for food. Our bodies need nutrition, not just distraction. Overall, by losing excess weight, turning potential or stored energy into active kinetic energy, you activate your life: your sexual drive, your intellectual vibrancy, your psychological capacity, your openness to relationships, and your sense of self-worth. This is such a comprehensive and monumental shift that it is best undertaken as mindfully as possible. You might wish to pace yourself.
