LONG DISTANCE RELATIONSHIPS, WORTH THE WAIT OR JUST A HEADACHE?

Long distance relationships. Some people may think they’re the cutest things ever, while others genuinely cannot understand how anyone puts themselves through one. On one hand, you have couples posting reunions and screenshots of their conversations, even countdowns until they see each other again. On the other hand, you have people wondering how on earth they would survive months or even years without seeing their boyfriend or girlfriend.

I think I can honestly say I see both sides. The idea of being in love with someone who lives miles away does sound romantic. You miss each other, get excited over the smallest things and I guess there’s always something to look forward to. But when you really think about what being in a long-distance relationship involves, it starts to sound a little less romantic and a little more like a headache. As cute as the reunions may seem on Instagram, nobody really talks about what happens behind the scenes. It’s easy to forget about the arguments, the overthinking or the nights when all you want to do is be close to the person you love, who’s nowhere near you.

I think one of the hardest things would be not being able to do the most normal things together. Imagine having the worst day ever and wanting to see your partner, only to realise that you can’t. You can’t just ask them to come over or go for a drive, and you can’t sit together and complain about what went wrong. You could obviously call them, but sometimes you just want someone physically there. I feel like people underestimate how much the little moments really matter. It’s easy to say that texting and FaceTime are enough, especially when you’re not the one in the relationship, but I don’t think a video call really compares to having someone beside you. You can’t exactly give someone a hug through a screen, regardless of how many heart emojis you send them. Technology may make it easier to stay connected, but there will be moments when you wish you could just be together without having to plan everything around a phone.

For me, the trust issue is probably the biggest element that can make or break a long-distance relationship. You have to trust your partner even though you don’t know what they’re doing or can’t see for yourself. You have to be comfortable with them going out with friends, meeting new people and basically having a life that you’re not physically a part of. While this sounds completely normal, I can imagine it being easier said than done.

Personally, I genuinely don’t know whether I could handle a long-distance relationship. I’d want to trust the person I was with, but I think I would struggle with the distance itself. It’s one thing to know your partner is busy nearby and another thing entirely when they’re in a different country and you have no idea when you’ll see them next. I could imagine myself missing them and wishing I could be there for all the little things happening in their life.

Sidenote, before anyone calls me insecure, I think it’s important to admit that different people need different things from relationships. Some people are completely comfortable with spending weeks or months apart, while others need regular physical affection and quality time to feel connected. Neither is wrong. I just think you have to be honest with yourself about what you can handle instead of pretending to be fine with something that actually makes you miserable.

Trust goes both ways, though. A long-distance relationship can’t work if one person is always worrying and the other is giving them reasons to worry. There has to be honesty, reassurance and a genuine understanding of what makes the other person feel comfortable. It’s important to note that there’s a difference between reassuring your partner and having to prove your whereabouts every five minutes. Nobody wants to be in a relationship where they feel like they’re under some sort of full-time investigation.

Let’s just touch on texting for a minute, because I feel like this is where most unnecessary arguments start. You send a message, they send a one-word reply and suddenly you’re wondering whether they’re annoyed with you. Then they take two hours to reply, and you think they’re losing interest. All the while, they could just be in class or even asleep. When you’re in a long-distance relationship, you can’t always read the situation properly. You miss facial expressions, body language and the little things that help you understand how someone is feeling. A message that was never meant to sound rude can suddenly become the beginning of an argument. If both people are already stressed and overthinking, things can get out of hand very quickly.

That being said, I also don’t think couples need to spend every waking second talking to each other just because they’re far apart. Imagine feeling guilty for going out with your friends because you haven’t called your partner yet or having to stay up until 4 am because of different time zones. It just sounds exhausting. You should be able to have your own life without feeling like you’re doing something wrong every time you’re not available.

Now, we’ve all heard the saying, “Distance makes the heart grow fonder.” I do understand that it must be nice to hug someone you haven’t seen in weeks. You probably appreciate the time together more because you know how long you had to wait for it. Even something as simple as holding hands or going on a drive could feel much more important when you’ve spent so much time apart.

But does distance really make the heart grow fonder? Or does it just make you miss someone more? Because these are two very different things. Missing someone doesn’t automatically mean your relationship is getting stronger. Sometimes you just miss them because you love them and you wish they were there. Other times, the distance might make you realise how difficult it is to maintain a relationship when you can’t share your everyday lives. I also think people romanticise long distance relationships way too much. We might see the surprise visits and the flowers, but not what happens afterwards. What happens when the other person has to leave again? What happens when the excitement of a visit ends and you’re back to counting the days until you see each other? If the reunions are so amazing, the goodbyes must feel like a knife through the heart.

At the same time, I wouldn’t say every long-distance relationship is doomed to fail. Some couples genuinely make them work, and I think there’s something lovely about two people choosing to be together even though being together is not always easy. It takes so much effort to plan visits and work around busy schedules while still making the other person feel included in your life. You can’t simply rely on being in the same place to keep the relationship going.

It probably helps when there’s an actual plan for the future. If you know the distance is temporary and you’re both working towards eventually living in the same city, it might be easier to deal with. You have something to look forward to and you know the situation will not necessarily last forever. But if neither person knows when they’ll see each other again, it could become frustrating. At some point, you’re bound to start wondering how long you’re supposed to keep waiting.

You also can’t put your entire life on hold for a relationship. Your education, career, friendships and personal goals still matter. Being in love with someone should not mean missing out on everything else just because you’re trying to make the distance work. Both people need to be willing to make compromises, and it should never feel like one person is sacrificing everything. The biggest mistake would probably be assuming that love can fix every problem. You can love someone more than anything and still struggle with distance. You can miss them terribly and still find the arrangement exhausting. That doesn’t necessarily mean that the relationship is bad or that either person has done something wrong. Sometimes the circumstances are simply different.

So, would I say long distance relationships are worth it? I think it depends entirely on the couple. If you trust each other, communicate properly and genuinely want the same future, there’s no reason why distance has to be the end of your relationship. But if you’re constantly anxious, arguing over messages and feeling lonely most of the time, it’s worth asking whether the relationship is making you happy. I think, on my part, I’d find it difficult. Although I like the idea of having someone who makes the distance worthwhile, I’d miss the everyday things too much. I wouldn’t want an entire relationship to revolve around calls, messages and the next time we would see each other. At the end of the day, I definitely don’t think distance automatically makes a relationship stronger, and I certainly don’t think it automatically ruins one either. Some people can make it work beautifully, while others realise they need something different, and that’s perfectly fine. Love is already complicated enough without having to calculate time differences and make plans in advance. If the person is right for you and you’re both willing to put in the effort, maybe the wait really is worth it. The question really is whether you’re both happy while you wait. A relationship should be about enjoying the person you love, not about missing them every minute of the day.