The month of December is deemed the ‘season to be jolly’ and many of us go out of our way to spread goodwill and joy by giving gifts to each other as a sign of appreciation and friendship. This month is also hugely significant in that it wraps up an year, giving an opportune moment to anyone and everyone to consciously (or even subconsciously) do their very best to start anew. We do this by releasing ourselves from all that has passed. Many people intend to start the new year on a clean slate. They set aside the year’s difficulties, disappointments, achievements, and joys, allowing the entire chapter to recede into a memory without holding on or regretting.
The lyrics from the old Scottish ditty ‘Auld Lang Syne’ which was reworded by Scotland’s national poet Robert Burns in 1788, highlights the value of friendships and questions whether old acquaintances should be cast aside and forgotten much like the unpleasant memories of times gone by. It mentions the exchange of gifts not in an extravagant sense of buying something special for someone but as a simple act of sharing time and having a drink with each other in order to rekindle and maintain relationships. This is expressed in the lyrics which say, “we’ll take a cup of kindness yet.” The song ends with an agreement settled by the age-old custom of a handshake cementing the bond of friendship. The words “and there’s a hand, my trusty friend and give us a hand of yours” signifies the continuance of goodwill. The use of this wonderful song at the ending of an year and the dawning of another, is forever associated with groups of friends who celebrate a new start with the hope that they will be just as united and loyal at the same time next year.
The world has moved on since the uncomplicated times that Robert Burns lived in, and the mere simplicity and trust invested in friendships remains a thing of the past. Even the act of giving a gift has become a process during which one is judged. The value of the gift (be it an item of clothing or a box of chocolates) is most often estimated by the receiver who reviews your position as an acquaintance or a friend by placing you on a scale of importance depending on how that gift is viewed by them. The gesture of giving which is most often meant to be an act of goodwill has evolved into a process of evaluating someone’s worth based on the value of what they give. This practise has now slithered into society with such speed and stealth that is has fractured many a friendship.
Gifts are things that can bring incredible joy to some, especially the young. They can also provide something essential for those who are in need. Some gifts cause embarrassment because the recipient feels compelled to reciprocate. Such presents leave many clutching at straws trying to think of a suitable gift to give in return. The famous episode from the TV series “The Big Bang Theory” where Sheldon tries in vain to return a favour because of the priceless nature of a gift he had received from Penny illustrates this issue magnificently. Sheldon gets into a quandary trying to figure out if he has to pay more or match the price of the gift, he has to give in return just so that they can call it quits. Then, there are those gifts which are a sign of fawning adoration given with the express intention of currying favour from someone wealthier or more affluent than the giver.
Skilfully interspersed among some gifts is the hand-me-downs which are the passing of something unwanted, with a false and benign expression of saying that “it’s the thought that counts!” Gifts do come in many guises. Most are just simply gifts given to celebrate specific occasions or they are mere tokens of appreciation, but some gifts entail multiple meanings depending on who gives them and to whom they are given. Reading into them has now become the norm.
Gifts have become a tradition often used to cement relationships. Kings, Queens, Presidents and Prime Ministers of countries all around the world present each other with gifts that represent the strengthening of ties between various nations and its peoples. In 1961, Queen Elizabeth was given a gift of a crocodile by the people of Berending and her private secretary had to make room for it in his bathtub! Make of that what you will! But even the queen did not look at this gift ‘crocodile’ in the mouth but accepted it with grace and gratitude.
The most recognised and celebrated act of giving gifts comes from the biblical story of the three wise men who followed a star in search of a newborn messiah – the infant Jesus. There are various interpretation of this narrative but at the crux of story is that these three highly privileged men (kings, wise men, or magi - it matters not) travelled great distances, circumventing various dangers whilst experiencing unfamiliar climates to present gifts to a child who was born to lowly peasants whom they didn’t even know. They found what they were looking for in the form of a helpless baby who had been placed in a manger. Yes ‘a manger!’ This ‘trough’ which is commonly used by farmers to feed their animals is the only clue that signifies the lack of privilege. In short, here is an example of the rich giving gifts of immense value to those who have nada without expecting a thing in return. This act of exceptional generosity was tied to the hope that the world will become a better place because a higher power had given them an only son, as a gift.
The very essence of this story and the meaning behind it is totally wiped out by the madness we witness when the world goes bonkers with shopping, decorations, rich food, grand dinners, wrapping paper, ribbons, the copious consumption of alcohol and everything else that is completely unnecessary when we compare it with the great scheme of things.
At a time when the world is falling apart with floods, landslides, massacres, wars and uncertainty, there will be those who will be more concerned with giving their asinine grandchildren the latest iPhones just to feel the power wielded by a love that is sought and bought but not earned.
Governments will encourage spending during this season just to add more money to their coffers pretending that it gives a boost to the economy. Come the month of January the boom turns to bust. People are often desperately trying to pay off the debts they have accumulated whilst trying to please loved ones in order to be loved in return. Cutting your coat according to your cloth is wise when it comes to assessing what is permissible during this season. Spreading joy and goodwill does not need to dent your bank balance. Most children understand the words ‘I can’t afford it’ surely friends should too.
Yet in Colombo its considered infra dig if you do not keep up with the Joneses!
There will be revelry at lavish dinner parties with a seething under current of rivalry. Menus will be designed for competition and even the colour of the label of the whisky served at one function will furnish the conversation at the next.
The so-called ‘friends’ who are not at the table will be the topic of discussion and snidery. That is until the next gathering, albeit with a different group when the dynamics of the conversation become as unpredictable as a weather. The ‘auld’ soon becomes someone you broke bread with yesterday but today is “forgot and never brought to mind.” Gifts will be discussed and scorned at. They are even photographed and spread around on social media with the intention of maligning the person who has presented it with the best of intensions. Some have reverted to keeping the price tags intact to show how much they have spent; others talk up their presents much like a salesperson desperate for a commission. This toxic level of competitiveness is always camouflaged in random/off-hand remarks often intended to spark spontaneous laughter, but they often reverberate causing irreparable damage.
Gone are the days when your place in a group didn’t hinge on what you wore, who you knew, how much you made, or what you spent on a gift. I remember the past when the essence of this season which calls for ‘peace on earth and goodwill to men’ used to be celebrated at joyful gatherings of friends and family. This has now been replaced by events hosted by the gilded gaggle at which the conversations are invariably about business and profit and the laughter is at the expense of the bankrupt. Even the quality of the food served at such gatherings are a measure of the worth of the invited guests. Everyone is viewed as a commodity and not as human beings. The less affluent and those who refuse to play by such rules have the doors slammed in their face. Herod springs to mind.
We are trapped in a culture where the rich live off the backs of the poor and the message of the Christ child seems to have fallen on deaf ears. Even if you are not a believer it is time to reevaluate the entire process of gifting by prioritising the less fortunate and deserving. Gifts are not requisite for friendships to withstand the test of time.
