THE PR INSIDER BY FARZANA BADUEL
Every leader has been told that feedback is essential. Business books and management consultants have built empires on frameworks for how to give feedback, how to make it “constructive,” how to cushion it with praise, how to ensure it lands softly. But what is rarely discussed with the same urgency is the art of receiving feedback. Receiving feedback well is a mark of emotional intelligence, but it is also one of the hardest things to do. It exposes us. It punctures our sense of competence. It forces us to confront the gap between who we think we are and how others experience us. In that gap lies a very human struggle, a psychological tug of war between ego and evolution.
The Ego’s First Line of Defence
When someone gives us feedback, especially critical feedback, our brain perceives it as a social threat. To the ancient part of our brain that evolved to protect us from danger, criticism feels like rejection. The amygdala, the region responsible for our fight-or-flight response flares into action. We tense up, our heart rate quickens, and our mind rushes to defend itself. We might go into fight mode, arguing or pushing back. “That’s not true,” we might say, or “You don’t understand the context.” Or we slip into flight mode, smiling politely while disengaging internally, promising ourselves to ignore whatever was said. Psychologists call this ego defensiveness. It is a subconscious mechanism that shields our self-esteem. We tell ourselves that the feedback is wrong, unfair, or irrelevant, because accepting it would mean admitting imperfection. Yet, paradoxically, it is this very impulse to protect our ego that sabotages our growth.
The Fragile Ego Trap
We often think of a fragile ego as belonging to those who are boastful or arrogant, but fragility manifests more subtly. It can look like overthinking every piece of criticism, taking everything personally, or needing constant validation to feel secure. A fragile ego sees feedback as an assault rather than an opportunity. It interprets “you could improve your presentation delivery” as “you’re not good enough.” It confuses one moment of imperfection with a permanent flaw. And the consequence? Stagnation.
When people cannot tolerate feedback, they trap themselves in a loop of self-delusion. They filter out any input that challenges their self-image, and as a result, they stop evolving. Their careers plateau, relationships strain, and teams around them grow frustrated. The most successful people I’ve met, whether in business, politics, or the creative industries share one common trait: a resilient ego. They don’t crumble when they hear critique. They are curious about it. They ask questions, seek patterns, and look for what might be true in what they’ve been told. Self-awareness, not self-protection, becomes their default response.
Feedback and the Mirror of Self-Awareness
Psychologists define self-awareness as the ability to see yourself clearly and objectively through reflection and introspection. But it’s impossible to achieve that clarity alone. We all have blind spots, traits and habits invisible to us but obvious to others. Feedback is the mirror that reveals those blind spots. Without it, we risk living in a distorted self-image, believing we’re better communicators, more empathetic, or more decisive than we really are.
At Curzon PR, we run biannual 360-degree feedback cycles where team members receive input from their line manager, direct reports, and colleagues. Every cycle, we encounter the same challenge: people are afraid to give honest feedback. The “positive feedback” sections brim with praise, while the “areas for improvement” boxes are left timidly blank. We’ve had to coach our team to understand that withholding feedback out of kindness isn’t kindness, it’s complacency. If you care about your colleagues, you care about their growth. Growth requires truth. As a CEO, I am on the receiving end of anonymised and non-attributable regular feedback which is uncomfortable to say the least. I try to lean into it and absorb to increase myself awareness. It has been my engine of growth, my mirror.
The Emotional Labor of Honesty
Why are people so scared to give honest feedback? It’s not just politeness; it’s empathy combined with social anxiety. We’re wired to seek belonging. Telling someone something they don’t want to hear risks damaging that bond. There’s a primal fear of being seen as mean or harsh.
But there’s another fear too: fear of confrontation. Many people would rather water down the truth than deal with an uncomfortable emotional reaction. As a result, organisations end up with feedback that’s so diluted it’s meaningless. “Great team player, just keep doing what you’re doing” sounds pleasant but offers no growth. Compare that with, “You bring wonderful energy to the team, but sometimes your enthusiasm leads to overpromising, how can we manage expectations better?” The second version requires courage, but it also creates progress.
The Psychology of Receiving Feedback
How we react to feedback reveals far more about us than the feedback itself. Psychologists have identified a few typical defensive patterns:
- The Rationaliser: Immediately explains away criticism with justifications. (“Yes, but that’s because the client changed direction last minute.”)
- The Deflector: Shifts the focus elsewhere. (“Everyone struggles with that, not just me.”)
- The Dismissor: Minimises the feedback. (“That’s just their opinion.”)
- The Over-Apologiser; Accepts blame excessively, but without reflection. (“I’m terrible, I always mess up.”)
All these responses have one thing in common: they avoid processing the feedback. True self-awareness means resisting the urge to react and instead choosing to reflect. Ask yourself: “What truth might this person be trying to tell me?” “What could I do differently next time?” “If several people have said something similar, what might that indicate?” Receiving feedback with grace requires emotional maturity. It demands a quiet ego, an ego that does not need to be right, only to be better.
From Threat to Data
One of the most powerful mindset shifts is to see feedback as data, not as judgment. Data isn’t emotional; it’s informational. It tells you what’s happening from another perspective. When you treat feedback as data, you depersonalise it just enough to engage with it productively. You can then ask practical questions:
- What is the evidence behind this feedback?
- What specific behaviour do I need to change?
- How might improving this area enhance my impact?
In coaching sessions, I often see that once people detach their identity from their performance, they start to flourish. They realise feedback isn’t a verdict, it’s a tool.
The Cost of Ignoring Feedback
Psychologically, refusing feedback is a form of self-sabotage. You may win the battle of pride, but you lose the war of progress. Organisations filled with individuals who resist feedback suffer collectively. Innovation slows. Mistakes repeat. Mediocrity takes root. On a personal level, an inability to receive feedback limits self-development. You become trapped inside your own narrative, seeing only what confirms your existing beliefs. Over time, that fragile ego becomes a prison. The most effective professionals are those who treat feedback as oxygen. They seek it, absorb it, and use it to fuel their growth. They understand that every piece of feedback, no matter how uncomfortable is a data point on the map of mastery.
The Relationship Between Feedback and Resilience
Receiving feedback well requires resilience, and resilience is built through practice. Each time you listen without reacting, you strengthen your ability to stay grounded in discomfort. Resilience does not mean ignoring pain, it means staying curious within it. The emotionally intelligent person can sit in that space of discomfort and say, “This hurts, but it’s useful.” This is what separates high performers from the rest. Their self-worth is not dependent on constant validation. They are anchored in purpose rather than ego, which allows them to absorb difficult truths without losing confidence.
Creating a Culture of Psychological Safety
For feedback to flourish, the culture must be right. People need psychological safety, the sense that they can speak honestly without fear of punishment or ridicule. Leaders set the tone. When leaders invite feedback about themselves and respond with humility, it creates a ripple effect. Others follow suit. But when leaders become defensive or retaliatory, feedback dies instantly. In my own company, I make a point to ask for feedback from my team. Sometimes what I hear stings. But it also gives me a precious window into how my intentions are received. Every time I act on that feedback, trust deepens, and that trust becomes the foundation of continuous improvement.
The Mindset Shift: From Fragility to Growth
The psychological journey from feedback resistance to feedback receptivity mirrors the journey from ego to self-awareness. When we stop equating criticism with failure, we open the door to growth. When we understand that we are all works in progress, we begin to welcome feedback as part of the creative process of becoming. As the psychologist Carl Rogers wrote, “The curious paradox is that when I accept myself just as I am, then I can change.” Acceptance and growth are not opposites, they are partners. Feedback, at its core, is an invitation to reconcile who we are with who we could be.
The Generosity of Truth
To give feedback well, you must be brave enough to tell the truth. To receive feedback well, you must be humble enough to hear it. Both acts require generosity. In a world that rewards image management and self-promotion, feedback offers something deeper, authentic connection. It says, “I see you. I believe in your potential enough to be honest.” So, the next time someone gives you feedback, pause before defending yourself. Listen with curiosity. Sit with it before you respond. Because in that uncomfortable silence lies the possibility of transformation, the chance to grow not just as a professional, but as a person.
About The Writer
Farzana Baduel, President-elect (2026) of the Chartered Institute of Public Relations and CEO and Co-founder of Curzon PR (UK), is a leading specialist in global strategic communications. She advises entrepreneurs at Oxford’s Said Business School, co-founded the Asian Communications Network (UK), and serves on the boards of the Halo Trust, and Soho Theatre. Recognised on the PRWeek Power List and Provoke Media’s Innovator 25, she also co-hosts the podcast, Stories and Strategies. Farzana champions diversity, social mobility, and the power of storytelling to connect worlds.
