Liking lip gloss shouldn’t cost you your IQ points!
- Their legacy reminds me daily that bias against pretty girls isn’t about glitter; it’s about the threat they pose by refusing to shrink themselves
Picture this; a woman walks into a room in a perfectly coordinated outfit. Her hair is bouncing with the kind of volume only achieved by witchcraft or YouTube tutorials. She’s wearing heels, lipstick, confidence, and boom just like that she’s written off as airheaded! Not by men. Well, okay, sometimes by men, but often, the harshest side eyes come fromother women. Welcome to the glitter-covered battleground of internalized misogyny, where femininity gets mistaken for idiocy, and being, “too pretty”is basically a crime punishable by snide remarks and assumptions. Assumptions of brainlessness. Let’s talk about it; with lip gloss and nuance.
I come from a long, sparkling line of fabulous women; my grandmother, my mother and my aunts are the kind of women who wore elegance like a second skin and never once apologized for it. They dress up even when there’s nowhere to go. They run things with style and smarts, and they taught me that being put together and powerful are not mutually exclusive. Yet, growing up, I heard what people really said about them. Not the compliments to their face, but the sly comments made behind their backs.
“She’s very glamorous, isn’t it?’ (Translation: probably not that bright).
“She must have married well,” (Translation: she couldn’t have earned that life).
“All that makeup? Bit much isn’t it?”
It didn’t take long for me to realize that being feminine, stylish or simply visibly enjoying your appearance was enough to make people question your intelligence. Especially, if you were also good at what you did. So, let’s talk about it; internalized misogyny, pretty privilege, and why society still acts like a woman can’t rock a red lip and a sharp mind at the same time.
The Pretty Paradox
Internalized misogyny is like the mean girl inside all of us that society sneakily programmed. It’s the tiny voice that says, “she’s too into makeup; she must be insecure.“She dresses like that just for male attention.” “She’s pretty and popular; must be dumb.” Meanwhile, society bombards us with conflicting messages.We’re told to embrace our femininity, look our best and lean in, but heaven forbid you actually like doing your eyeliner or wearing heels without being accused of performing for the male gaze.And don’t get me started on the whole,“she only got the job because she’s pretty,” routine. It’s like people genuinely forget that beauty and brains aren’t mutually exclusive. Shocking, I know! Women can contour and do calculus!
The women in my life never dulled their shine to make others feel comfortable.They taught me that glamour isn’t a distraction, it’s an exclamation point but you also saw how society punished them for daring to live out loud in lipstick. I’ve learned from watching them be underestimated, side eyes, and picked apart for looking, “too good,” while being“too competent.” Their legacy reminds me daily that bias against pretty girls isn’t about glitter; it’s about the threat they pose by refusing to shrink themselves
Pretty Does Not Equal Stupid (Groundbreaking!)
Women can contour and do calculus!
The women in my life never dulled their shine to make others feel comfortable.
Let’s clear something up. Liking fashion, beauty or aesthetics does not magically melt your brain. You do not become 10 IQ points dumber every time you re-apply lip-gloss. Some of the most intelligent women I know could do a smoky eye in the dark, backwards, while reciting the constitution. Einstein had bad hair and zero fashion sense, and we still call him a genius! But what if a woman dares to wear lashes longer than her patience? Suddenly, it’s “she’s probably not very deep.” Girl, she’s wearing lashes and emotional trauma. Get it right.
Femme-ophobia: Society’s least subtle bias.
Here’s where it gets messier. A lot of judgment thrown at, “pretty girls” or “girly girls” comes from within the gender. This internalized misogyny doing a cartwheel in your subconscious. It’s that deep-rooted belief that traditionally feminine traits are frivolous, silly or weak, because for centuries, anything associated with women was seen as lesser. So, when a woman sees another woman embracing her femininity, the knee jerk reaction might be suspicion, jealousy, or disdain, because somewhere along the line we were taught that there’s only one seat at the “Not Like Other Girls” table, and we all scrambled to grab it like it was the last cupcake at brunch.
She’s So Extra. And That’s Okay!
There’s this idea that being “extra” is inherently bad but what’s so wrong with being a little extra? Life is hard. If a woman wants to wear glitter boots and bedazzle her water bottle, let her sparkle, damn it. Calling someone “too much” is often another way of saying “she’s not making herself smaller to make me comfortable.” Which, let’s be honest, says a lot more about the judger than the judged.
The Real Consequences.
As fun as this all sounds (and girlhood is a riot), internalized misogyny has real impacts. It affects how women are hired, how they’re promoted, how they’re judged in courtrooms, classroom sand even their own friend groups. Women who are perceived as attractive or hyper-feminine often have to work twice as hard to be taken seriously. While also battling assumptions that they’ve somehow used their looks to ‘cheat the system,” and don’t even get me started on how this intersects with race, class and identity; but trust me, it does 'So, what do we do? Start by checking out own thoughts. The next time you catch yourself judging a woman for her appearance, pause, and ask yourself, “would I think this if she were a man?” Compliment women freely. Gas them up. Hype them like it’s your full-time job. Follow women of different styles, backgrounds and auras; there’s more than one way to be powerful, and most importantly, remember, you can like flowers and fire. Being soft and strong are not opposites. Be both. Be all of it!
Embracing Confidence. No Apologies Needed.
Femininity isn’t a weakness. It’s not a joke. It’s not a mask for stupidity. It’s an aesthetic choice, a cultural expression, and for many of us, just part of who we are. So, let’s stop assuming the girl in the sundress is clueless and start recognizing that she might just out-debate,outsmart, and out sly you, all while wearing a lariat necklace and smelling like vanilla.
So, the next time someone tries to box a woman in because she’s wearing heels, highlighter, or has the audacity to enjoy her reflection, remember this, femininity is not a flaw. It’s not a front and it’s definitely not an IQ test.It’s a choice. A celebration. A legacy, and if someone can’t handle the fact that a woman can be both stunning and sharp, radiant and ruthless, stylish and strategic, then maybe they’re the ones who should be questioned. Because being unapologetically yourself is never crime; it’s just a reminder that confidence doesn’t come with a disclaimer.
