“Don’t wear that. Don’t walk alone. Don’t stay out late. Don’t be too friendly.
“Don’t go there. Don’t make it easy for them. We’ve all heard it. From mothers, aunties, police officers, teachers, school prefects. The rules come early, and they come fast, for girls. But here’s a question that should stop us in our tracks: Why do we teach girls how not to get raped, but never teach boys not to rape? Why is safety always framed as the responsibility of the potential victim, and not the potential perpetrator?
01
The Fear Curriculum
From the time they’re young, girls are enrolled in the “fear curriculum.” We teach them to clutch keys between their fingers, to check the backseat before entering a car, to fake phone calls in taxis, to share their live location with friends, to avoid eye contact, to change lanes if someone’s following them, to smile politely even when uncomfortable, because rejecting someone might make him violent. It’s survival theatre. We coach girls like we’re training them for war. Meanwhile, what do boys learn? In most cases, nothing at all.
02
The Double Standard
- A boy comes home late. Boys will be boys.
- A girl does the same. What were you thinking?
- A boy posts shirtless selfies. Confidence.
- A girl wears shorts. She’s asking for it.
- A boy gets into a fight. He’s just a bit aggressive.
- A girl raises her voice. Too emotional. Too much.
- See the pattern?
We’ve created a culture where girls are punished for existing, while boys are rarely held accountable for how they treat that existence.
03
Control vs. Prevention
Let’s be clear: telling girls to be careful is not the same as making the world safer. When you focus all your energy on controlling girls, you’re not preventing violence, you’re just making them responsible for it. You’re essentially saying, “If something happens to you, it’s because you weren’t cautious enough.” That’s not safety. That’s victim-blaming with a side of patriarchy. The real question is: Why aren’t we talking to boys about consent, boundaries, and respect, early, often, and seriously?
04
Start at the Source
If a 5-year-old girl is old enough to be told not to sit on a man’s lap, then a 5-year-old boy is old enough to be told not to touch without permission.
If a 10-year-old girl is told to “keep her legs closed,” a 10-year-old boy should be told that girls don’t exist for his entertainment.
If a 15-year-old girl is told not to walk alone at night, a 15-year-old boy should be taught what harassment looks like, and how not to be that guy.
Consent education should not be optional. It should be as normal as teaching kids not to steal or hit.
05
But My Son Would Never...
Here’s where most people (especially South Asian parents) start to squirm.
They’ll say, “But my son would never do that.” Would he not? Are you sure?
Because he lives in the same world. The same WhatsApp groups. The same meme pages. The same locker-room banter. The same TikTok culture that normalizes objectifying women and laughing about their pain. Boys are not born entitled. They are taught it.
Through jokes that excuse violence. Through silence when they cross a line. Through glorifying aggression and dismissing empathy. Through movies that paint stalkers as lovers. Through families that never call them out. You might have raised a good boy. But have you raised a brave one, who calls out his friends, challenges his peers, respects rejection, and listens when a girl says “no”?
06
Newsflash: Girls Are Not the Problem
The solution to gender-based violence will never be found in a hemline, a curfew, or a text update to your family WhatsApp group.
The solution is raising better boys and holding grown men accountable.
Imagine if we redirected all that “advice” we give girls, don’t wear this, don’t go there, don’t talk to him, into actual education for boys.
What if we made discussions on masculinity part of school curriculums?
What if we called out toxic behavior in male-dominated spaces, instead of laughing it off?
What if “boys will be boys” became “boys will be better”?
07
Unlearning Is for Adults Too
This isn’t just a youth issue. Grown men need to unlearn toxic masculinity too. The uncle who stares too long. The boss who makes inappropriate jokes. The partner who says, “you’re overreacting.” The friend who excuses everything with “it’s just locker room talk.”
The burden cannot fall on women to endure these things or to educate the men in their lives. The burden must shift. To men. To systems. To everyone complicit in silence.
08
This Is Not Anti-Boy. This Is Pro-Human
Let’s make something clear: This is not about hating boys. This is about loving them enough to expect more.
Because when boys are raised to be emotionally aware, respectful, and responsible, they don’t lose anything. They gain everything:
- Better friendships
- Healthier relationships
- Freedom from toxic expectations
- And a world where they don’t have to be feared to be respected
When boys are better, everyone is safer.
09
This Is Not Anti-Boy. This Is Pro-Human
Let’s make something clear: This is not about hating boys. This is about loving them enough to expect more.
Because when boys are raised to be emotionally aware, respectful, and responsible, they don’t lose anything. They gain everything:
- Better friendships
- Healthier relationships
- Freedom from toxic expectations
- And a world where they don’t have to be feared to be respected
When boys are better, everyone is safer.
