It seems to me that people are angrier, and more volatile, prone to the side of aggression, more than I remember. We are of the times, where all the social media outlets, and also the mainstream media continuously highlight the virtues of moderation (in all areas of life) and showcase many avenues of getting the guidance one may need when feeling like fury is bubbling. With amazing professionals giving free advice on handling many of the situations that we face, why, pray tell are so many around us on the verge of blowing a fuse.
1.I grew up when any issues we had we tried to discuss with our parents, and trusted that their ‘know how’ would give us the solutions. Now the advice may not have been what we wanted to hear, but at least we knew they had our best interests at heart. On the flip side, so many young people today have all the trappings of “success” (or at least success in their gram page views/likes ratio), but very little connection to their own parents and immediate families. What has brought about this unhealthy shift?
I may be of a by-gone era, but I do admit that my “by-gone” is not in the time of the plesiosaurs (despite physically sometimes feeling like I am from the Jurassic period!), I am baffled by the obvious and seemingly widening disconnect
2.between parents and their children. Many of the said parents are around my age, and being a parent to my doggies, I, in every way possible (well known to my family and few friends), have prioritized my doggie’s well-being as my responsibility. From my non-existent social calendar, to travel, from my work schedule, to accepting additional projects, I know that having them in my care means that I have to look after their interests (health etc.) to my utmost capabilities. Many around me think I should be institutionalized for the amount of love and care I give them, but I have never shirked my duties, not in any areas of my life.
If I as a doggy-parent can understand and make priority the ones who depend on me for care, how pray tell, do parents of children and young people, behave so nonchalantly about their parenting duties? There have always been good, mediocre and irresponsible Parents, along with the wonderful and the heinous as well. My sister Dinushka and I were “blessed with the best” in the parent category, and my sister has also gone on, inspired by the examples of my mother, to be an awesome parent to Tehani, and am sure this vein will continue for generations. I also have friends and colleagues Udeni, Manisha, Nichola to name a few, who are “star parents” and shine a light on ensuring their children are top-most on the list of priorities. Are these exceptions, when they should be the rule?
I am not a psychologist, but I do see from examples around me that children raised by loving and caring parents (and perhaps also blessed to have the same in Grandparents), grow up somewhat more balanced, and able to handle the hurdles that life inevitably puts in all our paths. It could be a single, step, differently abled parent, a parent by proxy such as an aunt or uncle, but a good parent is a must to help build a stable environment for a secure child or young adult. Now by “good parent” I do not mean showering the children with everything money can buy (the most expensive everything!) but showering children, more importantly, with everything money cannot buy (love, attention, respect, understanding) as well. Being affluent and having the ability to give children everything, does not mean one does give everything. When did this shift occur where love is replaced with luxe, and guidance is replaced with gadgets?
As children and young adults are pampered, preened, and paraded to underline the success quotient of the parents, it is again the complete lack of awareness on the side of the parents, the desperation to prove their own place in the social hierarchy, that leaves the youngsters
3.‘a-drift’. Suddenly it is cool for parents to not know where their children are (and have to call the nannies, and or chauffeurs to check), to not know if there is progress in school, or for that matter if the child is even in school. Is it also the dire need for the parents’ generation to be out socially, seen to be socialites, and asked to socialize daily, that inspires such cluelessness?
Many adults now seem to behave like they need adult supervision, rather than being in the position to provide it. From some women channeling their inner streetwalkers circa 1965 with mini skirts that provide views only one’s gynecologist should have, to running around to accept every possible invite provided by their equally clueless and horribly color coordinated friends, the ‘Ladies who lunch, brunch and munch’ are keeping their ‘gram time’ full, and ‘children time’ empty. From gathering to discuss what, who when and where needs to celebrate the most mundane lack of achievements in their social circle, to ensuring that the salons are kept in business in their attempts to salvage already sunk, or sinking ships, these women could not care less where, when, how or what their children are up to. The males of our ever devolving species are no better. Channeling the reverse of the 90s group Boyz-2-Men, these adult males are now Men-2-Boyz, behaving like testosterone loaded Men in Prison who have not seen a woman in years, to imagining that just because the sales professional told them they look “great” dressed as John Travolta in ‘Saturday night Fever’, they actually go ahead and bring out their inner 70’s Gigolo. The behavior usually matches the terrifying lack of dress sense, and suddenly everyone is in the movie ’17 again’!
Draw from examples of superb parenting such as the Obamas who have exemplary children in Sasha and Malia, to know that even if you are the President and First Lady of the United States, you can find time for your children. Do what you want, wear what you want, be who you want to be, at any and every age, but be aware that one is part of a society, and have the responsibilities of the same. Re-living your youth (or in many cases, someone else’s youth) does not give you the right to leave children to grow up completely maladjusted to the world we all live in. Take responsibility to ‘raise right’ and let them move on in the world with the tools needed to thrive. This to me is not a pipe-dream but one that needs to be ensured, for us all to have a continued thriving, functioning human race.
